The People Who Change You In Ways You Never Realize

**All names in the following post have been changed to protect the identities of people I am talking about.

Over the past couple months, I have felt myself change. It wasn't something I could really describe. It was just a change. The change brought new highs to my life and new lows. There were days when nothing could go wrong. There were also days when I thought I was at a new low in my life. It wasn't till about a week ago that I figured out what it was and who I have to thank for it.

I met Kate**, a now very good friend of mine, a little over two years ago. She was a very energetic, very passionate person. At first I was a little put off by her energy. I couldn't figure out how one person could be so...feeling. She seemed to have a connection with the very breath the took in and it showed in everything she did. I also noticed that she seemed to have a true love for everyone and everything around her. At the time I didn't make the connection but now I have. If you feel like you are connected to everything, you are going to have a much different out look on life.

This connection has started to grow in me since meeting her. By the time I moved to Vermillion four months ago, the seed of growth had become mature enough that I started to actually feel it. It was this connection that was causing my highs and lows. When things around me weren't going well, I could feel it and I hurt for those people. When people were on highs, I was right there with them celebrating. Now don't get me wrong. I wasn't a weepy, depressed mess. I just felt in tune with what was around me.

Over the last month, this metaphorical plant of connection started to flower. I have began to love. To reach out and just love people. Before this, I'm pretty sure my love was mostly connected with what I thought I should be doing. What seemed to be right. It is different now though. This new love also translated into a relational love. I haven't really been pursuing anything over the last few years and had in fact effectively shut it down. I had flings here and there but looking back, most of them were much more a need to feel that connection with someone and less of an actual attraction. But I now feel this love flowing in an out of me with every breath and I feel this desire to share it.

I have come to the point in my life where if I find her (you know, "the one") I will be ok with it. I think I can say that for the first time ever. I won't feel trapped. I won't feel like I am compromising myself for anyone. I won't feel like I have chosen the wrong one. I won't feel like I'm missing out on the experiences life has to offer. I feel like the moment I see her, I'll know. I probably won't tell anyone because that freaks people out but I'll know.

Anyway, I have written this whole post while listen to a song that Kate** introduced me to. The song has actually been stuck in my head almost at a constant rate over the last month. It fits extremely well with my mood and it is my hope that I can someday experience this kind of love. The kind where with one look, I just know.


"Marry Me"

Forever can never be long enough for me
to feel like I've had long enough with you
Forget the world now we won't let them see
but there's one thing left to do
Now that the weight has lifted
and love has surely shifted my way

Marry Me
Today and every day
Marry Me
If I ever get the nerve to say "Hello" in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Together can never be close enough for me
feel like I am close enough to you
You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you
and you're beautiful
Now that the wait is over
and love and has finally shown her my way

Marry me
Today and every day
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say "Hello" in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Promise me
you'll always be
happy by my side
I promise to
sing to you
when all the music dies

And marry me
Today and everyday
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say "Hello" in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Marry me
Mm-hmm

A New Beginning That Already Seems To Be Ending

It has been a while since I posted on this blog. Since my last post, I have gone through a few changes. I am now living in Vermillion, SD with an old friend from high school. I have been making slow but steady progress on graduate school applications and as I near the completion of both my personal statements and my resume, I'll be sending them off to their prospective schools. The biggest change though as been my journey into the art of rock climbing.

No, I haven't actually climbed a real rock yet. I have only spent a significant amount of time at the local climbing gym. The biggest reason I haven't done anything outdoors yet is I lack the proper equipment. When a person climbs at a gym, they can rent everything from the gym. Sadly, there aren't rental shacks at every rock formation. So I have been slowly acquiring the gear. The harness, the shoes, the chalk; these are the easy things. These are the inexpensive (relatively) pieces of gear. It is quick draws, the rope, and ultimately the cams that are going to run a person into the ground financially.

So, as I slowly acquire equipment I will continue to climb inside. Yes, it is much safer but it is that apparent danger and the adrenaline rush one feels that makes climbing addictive, at least for me. Hopefully once spring arrives, I'll be able to stand at the base of a large crack and be able to hear the words "Climb on."